Before going to bed last night, I felt a little better. Still in a state of depression, I just felt lonely. To be honest, I’ve never lived on my own before. Not saying that I can’t do it. More or less, its going to take some getting used to. I went from my parent’s house, left at 18, moved into an apartment with my brother and “her”, since then, its always been me and “her”. Its going to take getting used to, to live alone. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m starting to yearn for human connection. When I get home, I don’t talk anymore. I’ve no one to talk to. No one to tell about my day, no one to spill all my feeling to. No one physically or mentally/emotionally there. Back to the matter at hand, I was finally able to go to sleep by 0100, I couldn’t shake these feelings I had, and it was festering. Come 0300 I’m slowly getting up for work… As the day begins, I started helping w/ some decorations for a pot luck we’re having at work, and slowly by slowly I started getting irritated, and annoyed… I guess I was thinking about the upcoming holidays… Thinking about the fact, that this year, we’re not going to be a family… My kids won’t have their parents together as a family this holiday season… and I started getting depressed. The depression further fueled my irritation. Soon the depression faded, yet my irritation raged on. Going about my day, my irritation led to angst, my angst led to resentment, and my resentment led to lethargy… I’m trying to laugh at everyone’s jokes, I’m trying not to show any weakness. I’m trying to portray to the world, that I’m stronger than the unfortunate situation that I’ve been thrown into… But under all the emotional masks I try to hide behind remains my…

Angst, Resentment, and Lethargy…