I used to find solace
in the fact that if I
was having a bad day,
I could rush home, and be in
the company of my 2 beautiful
children.
They could make whatever
ails me fade away into
nothingness with a simple smile.

But as times have changed,
My solace has dissipated.
I return home to a dismal
dwelling, void of the laughter
I loved so much.
No longer am I able
to call out a name to hear the
pitter patter of tiny feet.
No longer can I come into a room and
see an innocent smile looking up at
me in adoration.

No, this is my life now. Biding my time
until I may once again hold them
in my arms.

I never learned how to live for myself.
I’ve always lived for others.
I’ve heard countless times,
“You’re way too nice.”
Perhaps that’s why all of this is so
hard for me now.
I’ve always been the one people ran to
for advice or assistance and i’ve never
minded because, I guess, It made me feel whole… It filled an emptiness inside
knowing I’m able to help someone else. I had the epiphany that my kids now fill that void.
And although they’re not completely out of my life, I feel as if when they’re not here,
I’m empty. I am but a shell of a man.
Longing to be wanted.
Longing to be needed…