There are only a handful of people I trust who
know EXACTLY what’s going on…
One thing I hear often is,

What’s wrong with her!

I would think to myself,

That’s what I want to know…
I gave her everything… I worked my ass off for her, for our
family… I gave her everything she asked and more, and still
tried to keep the romance alive… I would go out of my way
everyday to try to make her happy, whether it was surprising her
at work and bringing her lunch, running to the store to get something
for her when I knew she needed it but wouldn’t go get it, or say anything about it herself. I cooked, I cleaned, I took care of the kids
(for the most part)
I gave my all, in every aspect that I could think of…
I’m responsible with money, I always made sure we were well taken care of.  That the bills were always paid, and we had a roof over our heads, and food in our stomachs.
So yeah, what in the actual fuck is wrong with her?!

But more recently, when posed with this question… my mind has been going elsewhere, somewhere negative… thinking to myself… damn, she had it good, I provided, and did everything for her…
but she still left me… maybe, its not..
What is wrong with her…
despite everything I did, and I provided, she still left…
was I that bad of a husband? Was it that
miserable being with me?

What is wrong with ME?

I feel as if she still has this power over me to make me hate myself…
What made her “intentionally fuck up” and leave, even though she had all of this… when it all comes down to it… the only other variable is Me. So, that said, let the self loathing begin…

I’m so fucking confused, and I hate myself…

-kayeXe