We’ve all heard or have used the phrase, “I’m so over today”. Lately, that’s been me every day. I got off of work yesterday, and slept. I woke up at 2000, but went right back to sleep. Again at 2330, then desperately tried to go back to sleep. I guess what I’m getting at is, I’m over it. The days I have nothing to look forward to, this has become the routine. I’m not yet at the stage where I can begin to enjoy life again. So, I sleep in the meager attempt to escape reality. I sleep, to not have to feel, to run away from my existence. Those times I wake up, I frantically attempt to return to my somber slumber. I hate aimlessly going about my day suppressing all the feelings I have bubbling up inside. I hate when those feelings finally let themselves out. I hate having no one to talk to, to tell random things, to hold/hold me. So in an attempt eradicate all of this, my escape is to sleep. Why does our heart feel? It’s main function is to pump blood throughout our bodies. So why? Why is it able to transcribe such feelings as “Heartache”? Everything I’ve every thought a man should be was wrong, as is everything I thought a husband was supposed to be/do. Everything I thought love was composed of also seems be incorrect. I guess, I’ve never known how to love. I was recently presented with the question.
“If you know I don’t like surprises, why do you continue to try to surprise me?”
I didn’t understand where the question was coming from, well, in a sense I did. But I thought the answer would have been clear.
“I’m your husband… whether you like romantic surprises or not, I’m going to try.”
Because that’s one of the things I figured a husband should do. And it was never done out of the pure aspects of what “I think” I should do as a husband. It was done out of the “love” I felt/feel. I mean, there were times I surprised her, and she absolutely loved it. And if I could make her feel like that 3 times out of 5, of course, I was going to try. So that being said, is it a hard concept to grasp? Am I wrong for wanting to see that smile that I love so much? For wanting to make her smile?
I’m tired of feeling this pain in my chest, this pain in my heart, day in and day out. I’m tired of trying to mask it. I’m tired of feeling… Therefore, I’m giving it up…
Free To Good Home…