Part Two:
This section will cover “Part TWO” of, This is Me… And frankly, it will be about my kids. Because, well… They are a big part of who I am. Without them, I wouldn’t be me. Without them, I would most likely be a lot more irresponsible with the decisions I make/have made. I know for a fact, that if it weren’t for them, I would most likely be drinking every night. Alas, I don’t, because of them. Through out this en-devour, they are the light at the end of the tunnel, they are my reason for being, they are the fight in my soul. They alone, keep me going, and they alone keep me sane. The days I’m alone, all I can think about is them, I count the days until I get to pick them up, spend time with them. Even though on Mondays I only get to be with them for four hours, its not enough time, but in the same regard, its enough to get me through my week. Although, really all the time we have on Mondays are dedicated to completing Pi’ilani’s homework for the entire week. I do this for two reasons. First off… It’s a way in which I can still be involved in her school. Special circumstances (dirty tricks) have led her to be withdrawn from her original school, and enrolled in a school across town. Secondly, my children’s education has always been a top priority for me, and by helping her with her homework for the entire week; I still have a way to make sure that at the very least, it is completed and correct. I’m also able to ensure that she understands what she’s doing. I’ve always been the one to assist her with her homework, because when it wasn’t me, the homework would get done, hastily, and incorrectly. While all of this is being done, Pono gets to play, every once in a while, he’ll want to participate in “homework” as well, so I’ll sit him down, and lately, I’ve been teaching him how to write his name. I don’t want to force him, so as soon as he loses interest, we’ll start drawing or coloring together. (LoL) He still has time to do what he wants, so as long as he asks, or accepts when I offer, we’ll work on educational things. Otherwise, I’m not going to force him to sit there and do it.
Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, I don’t get to see, or speak to either of the kids… Pi’ilani told me that when she wants to talk to me, she’ll ask, and the response she receives is “Why” (Which by the way, really broke my heart / pissed me off when she told me) That being said, she’s since stopped asking. On those days, after work, I’m home, alone, all day, all night… I get off of work, and I don’t talk, until the next day. It’s quiet, its lonely. I hate it… I come home to expect what usually happens when I got home. Arguing, laughter, the sound of kids running around, and toys being played with, music blasting… a lively home. Instead, I come home to a dark, quiet, empty house…
Hence, my kids are the light at the end of the tunnel. All week, all I long for is Friday. And not because of the reasons most people can’t wait for Friday. I could give a shit about going out, and being social. One, given my current situation, I don’t have money for that shit, and Two, if I do fall into money, I’d rather spend it on my kids. Fridays for me, means I get to be happy. (At least until Sunday evening)
My kids = My happiness.
-kayeXe