I feel like i’m being a bit redundant. Several different posts w/ somewhat of the same subject. You know what though? This is my blog not yours, so fuck off mate. lol Who am I referring to?! I don’t know. Whoever may have been thinking “It’s a new blog but same ol’ shit.” LoL
A month or so ago, I had a conversation with someone about “Standards”. I think the subject matter was along the lines of mine being too high. But at the end of the conversation I had the eye opening epiphany that maybe my standards were indeed high, BUT I lowered them drastically… just to be with who I was with.. And it brought me to thinking.. Had I not dropped my standards, would I be in the situation I am in right now?
They say:
Opposites attract,
Every yin needs a yang,
Balance is key.
This may be true, and I agree to a certain degree.
I do believe that 2 opposites can round each other out, but I also believe the contrary. I guess what I’m saying is, if this is the way you’re going to go about it… The ratio needs to be perfect.. I guess, Exact opposites couldn’t be good for each other right? In my case, it was horrible, she taught me things and vice versa, but our interests, our personalities, everything that made us, individuals were so off base, that it was a miracle we made it that long.
I myself am a clean individual, everyday was a struggle seeing everything in disarray; no matter how much I tried to keep everything neat.
I’m an introvert of sorts. It takes a lot of energy for me to be out partying and what not, its mentally draining for me, although I wasn’t always like this. This is the way I came to be, By no means am I saying I won’t go out and hang out with friends. Just not to the degree that she would. In comparison, her, wanting to go out clubbing and partying every other night…
Poetic, I write, there’s always something going on in my head. But even if I wrote with no specific person or feelings, just for the sake of writing, and letting my words flow onto its canvas… she didn’t like it, well she said she did, lol but lets be real, I would still have a lot of my writings had that really been the case.
The way I talk, the way write, the way I argue, its not all within the general realm of what’s normal, and apparently, as I’ve recently found out, it pisses people off. “Oh he thinks he’s so much better, so much smarter than us.” “Bow down to his intelligence.” (unfortunately that’s all true smfh) If that’s how you feel…? I’m sorry that you’ve known me for over a decade and still feel that this is not me, nor my mannerisms. If you feel inept around me. Then that’s your own ignorance…
Everything that was me, I couldn’t comfortably be, and I’m sure she felt the same pressure I was feeling…
What does it take, to find someone who could truly love you for you? What does it take for someone to see you in your entirety, your perfectionism and flaws. The fact that your perfectionisms are your flaws, and still accept you, the thought of you, and the essence of you. Someone who’s seen your struggle, knows exactly what you’ve been through, and has seen exactly how stupid the choices you make can be. For that person to see all this, and think to themselves,
“He’s not perfect. He’s not perfect by far…. But, he is, perfect for me…”
One day, I can only hope to find this in someone, and vice versa…
I have always been told that I “act” too old for my age, and that it would piss people off…
I don’t feel that I need to apologize for who/how I am…
And I guess in a relationship, I’ve longed for something more mature.
Like, I don’t know, a grown up relationship. I don’t know how to explain it, a relationship where both parties are responsible, and take care of their responsibilities as a team, selflessness, teamwork. I honestly don’t know any other way to describe it. Just the simple things…
This day in age, my generation and the generations to follow are going to have a hard time…
I wish things were much more simple…
Social networking is crippling society, crippling ethics, crippling morals.
Crippling relationships…
Fact of the matter is, I forgot what the subject matter of this post was supposed to be about 3 sentences in… lmfao regardless, hope you’ve enjoyed my ramblings, my insight.
-kayeXe